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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Area Loner to Dwell on Past

Murfreesboro, TN—Area loner Dave Roe will dwell on his past this Saturday, according to sources close to the unemployed carpenter. Roe, who lives alone, may reminisce on his better days as a member of his high school band. According to family members, he once took a trip to the state capitol with the band and enjoyed it very much.

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