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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Love Knows Only Court-Ordered Bounds

COLUMBUS, OH–The passionate love felt by Columbus resident Jonathan Duffy for Ohio State University graduate student Danielle Graves can be stopped by no force outside the ruling of Fifth Circuit Court Judge Harlan Jameson, Duffy said Monday. "Wild horses cannot drag me away from the 100-yard perimeter I've carefully measured around her property," said Duffy, finishing a collage of photos of Graves walking to and from classes, watering her lawn, and ducking behind neighbors' houses. "No court-appointed psychiatrist can medicate away the love a man feels for his spirit bride."

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