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Area Male Extroverted

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Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
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Area Male Extroverted

PHILADELPHIA—At first glance, Randy Grebcyk appears to be like any other male. An associate underwriter for Mid-Atlantic Colonial Insurance, Grebcyk, 29, works a 40-hour week and lives alone in a one-bedroom apartment. What sets Grebcyk apart from other males, however, is an unusual lack of shyness and a strong desire for self-expression—qualities that surprise those who meet him, and leave scientists scrambling for explanation.

With his lack of shyness and strong desire for self-expression, Philadelphia's Randy Grebcyk is an oddity among males. Among the 29-year-old's unique interests: alcoholic beverages, cars and the local pro sports teams.

Psychologists studying Grebcyk have coined a term, "extroversion," to describe his unusual behavior.

"It's completely baffling," said MIT researcher Edmund Lawler. "As we all know, men are normally very reticent and reluctant to share their opinions or thoughts. I myself would prefer to be hiding under my desk right now. But this Grebcyk fellow breaks the mold. He's quite an anomaly."

As Grebcyk himself put it: "Whoo-hoo! AC/DC rules! Chevy sucks!"

Most males are by nature content with a quiet, contemplative life, spending their days baking, quilting and meditating thoughtfully. Venturing out in public takes no small degree of coaxing and self-resolve. Not so with Grebcyk.

At any given moment and without warning, Grebcyk is capable of such unorthodox actions as: initiating a conversation with a total stranger; telling an off-color joke; and emitting high-pitched whooping noises.

Or, as Grebcyk recently said, "Yeah! Fifth row tickets, baby! Sweet!"

Researchers have isolated five basic elements through which Grebcyk's unusual traits find their expression: pro football, "classic" rock, alcoholic beverages, the opposite sex, and automobiles.

For example, Grebcyk recently won Philadelphia Eagles tickets on a drive-time show on his favorite sports radio station, WDUG, "The Dugout." As a "huge fan" of the Eagles, Grebcyk was ecstatic, and in the days leading up to the game he could not stop talking about how he had won the tickets, as well as how he had gotten to say "WDUG kicks ass" on the air.

At the game, Grebcyk drew stares and gasps of admiration by appearing shirtless, with one side of his body painted green and the other side white.

"What a delightful, not at all annoying young man," said Shirley Post, 51, who sat near Grebcyk at the game.

Not surprisingly, Grebcyk wants to put his unusual traits to gainful use. He would like someday to become a "stand-up comedian," a person who tells jokes to elicit laughter from others. Grebcyk said he was influenced by his hero, Andrew "Dice" Clay, a comedian who exhibited extroversion similar to Grebcyk's before his career decline in the early 1990s.

"You hear what happened when Michael Jackson's wife got pregnant?" Grebcyk quipped. "He was the one who got morning sickness."

Scientists still cannot find a cause for Grebcyk's unique extroversion. But whatever the cause, everyone agrees that his future is bright.

"I predict big things for Randy," said Jennifer Kessler, his supervisor at Mid-Atlantic. "Such unusual exuberance should be well rewarded, and I think it will be."

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