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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Area Man A Walking Encyclopedia Of Everything Except Leading A Normal Life

ODESSA, TX– Gene Weldon, 34, was praised by friends and family Monday for his expertise on dog breeding, spelunking, and countless other subjects except leading a normal life. "One time, I asked Gene what he thought about the recent market fluctuations, and he gives this long lecture on the history of the Nikkei Index," friend Mindy Becker said. "With a body of knowledge like that, you'd think he'd at least own a car." Cousin Mike Framisch agreed, saying, "For a guy with no regular full-time job, he knows an awful lot about the ecosystem of the Marianas Trench."

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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