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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Achieves Your Dream

CHARLOTTE, NC—After almost two decades of dreaming on your part, 34-year-old Stephen Hochenko achieved your goal of opening up a small bookstore and café last Thursday, coincidentally in the exact location you had planned to open yours.

"This proves that no matter what your dreams are, someone out there can achieve them if they just do a little homework, save their money, and believe in themselves," said a satisfied Hochenko as he arranged tables and chairs for a Monday night wine tasting and reading featuring acclaimed author Neil Gaiman. "I'm happier than you can even imagine or will probably ever experience yourself."

Hochenko joins a long list of people who have achieved your dreams, including the creators of YouTube, Grand Prix motorcycle-racer Valentino Rossi, and the people who married your longtime crush and potential soul mate in April 1998, June 2001, and last Saturday.

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