adBlockCheck

Area Man Already Tired Of Adjusting His Fantasy Baseball Roster

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Area Man Already Tired Of Adjusting His Fantasy Baseball Roster

SAN JOSE, CA—Two weeks into the 2011 Major League Baseball season, 27-year-old Fred Romero has already begun complaining about the amount of time it takes to manage his fantasy baseball team, sources confirmed Wednesday. "I have a job, I have friends, I have a life. I shouldn’t be cutting into hours of sleep to research middle infielders for a game that’s supposed to be fun," said Romero, adding that on three separate occasions he's checked his team at lunch only to find out a pitcher on his bench has already started an afternoon game. "Besides, Michael [Armor] does website design or something for Yahoo! Sports, so he always wins our league anyway." Romero's expression of frustration arrives sooner than it did in 2010, when he reportedly waited until the end of April to tell his friends that he didn’t "have time for this shit" and was "never doing it again."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close