Area Man Always Nostalgic For Four Years Ago

In This Section

Vol 38 Issue 34

Director of High-School Play Buys Director's Chair Out Of Own Pocket

WILKES-BARRE, PA—Bill Enqvist, Wilkes-Barre East High School drama teacher and director of the school's upcoming production of West Side Story, purchased a wood-and-canvas director's chair from Wal-Mart with his own money Tuesday. "I was kind of hoping the school would spring for one for me, but I guess they didn't see it as essential," Enqvist said. "That's okay: After the play, I can spruce up my deck with it." Enqvist added that for the next theatrical season, he may splurge on personalized iron-on letters for the chair's back.

Senators Wish Domenici Would Bring Dog To Work More Often

WASHINGTON, DC—Members of the U.S. Senate wish that Sen. Pete Domenici (R-NM) would bring his sheepdog Luke to work more often, Beltway sources reported Monday. "It's always so fun when we're debating a piece of legislation, and Luke comes charging in and runs all around the senate floor saying hi to everybody," Sen. Jon Corzine (D-NJ) said. "A couple weeks ago, I was right in the middle of a speech when he bowled me over and started licking my face." Virtually every senator has encouraged Domenici to bring in Luke, with the notable exception of Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA), who is "so allergic to that thing, it's not even funny."

Apartment Set Up To Create Illusion Of Well-Rounded Life

RIVERSIDE, CA—Hoping to trick visitors into thinking he leads a well-rounded life filled with diverse interests, local resident Andrew Higgins has outfitted his apartment with such accoutrements as a framed La Dolce Vita poster, an acoustic guitar, and a magazine rack filled with back issues of The New Yorker. "I'm clearly into some pretty cool stuff," said Higgins, 26, who devotes 95 percent of his evenings to playing his Nintendo GameCube or patronizing a local topless bar. "This apartment is indistinguishable from that of a true Renaissance man."

Son Surprised Dad Knows Johnny Cash Song

IOWA CITY, IA—Shawn Sullivan, 22, was stunned to learn Monday that his father is familiar with the Johnny Cash song "I Walk The Line." "Where the hell did Dad learn that?" asked Sullivan, whose father recognized the song playing over speakers while dining out with the family. "That's, like, something me and my friends listen to." Sullivan conjectured that, while borrowing his father's car recently, he must have inadvertently left the radio tuned to KRUI 89.7, the local college radio station.

I'm Not Proud Of Some Of The Things I've Done

Can it be true that my years in this world already number 12? Though mine is but a dog's life, I have always tried to live it well. Early on, I made it my mission to explore the neighborhood beyond my own yard, to appreciate nature and its many wonderful smells. I've thirsted for knowledge, learning in excess of 10 tricks and committing to memory the location of every rabbit hole within a quarter mile. I have minded to comport myself with dignity, keeping my coat shiny and clean through a daily regimen of rigorous licking.

Tracing Your Genealogy

Building your family tree can be a fun and rewarding activity. Here are some tips to help you get started:

Making McDonald's Healthier

Last week, McDonald's announced plans to cook its french fries and other fried foods in a lower-fat oil. What other changes are in store?

Keepin' It Real In Tha Midstate Crib

Very first time I wrote this column, it wuz to inform all y'all nonbelievaz out there that tha H-Dog wuz a BAD ASS who best not be fucked with. That wuz nearly six yearz ago, and ain't a damn thing changed. If y'all think I gone soft 'cause I gots a shortie now, you dangerously mistaken. I still as hardcore as they come, know what I'm sayin'? Cross me, an' I'll samurai on yo' ass. Word is bond.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Advertising

  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Energy

Area Man Always Nostalgic For Four Years Ago

BOTHELL, WA—Eric Bagley, 32, a Seattle-area freelance photographer and part-time graphic designer, is perpetually nostalgic for the life he led four years earlier.

The perpetually wistful Bagley.

"The summer of 1998 was a pretty sweet time for me," Bagley said Monday. "I'd just moved to Seattle from Ohio. I had a bunch of money saved up and was just living off that, looking for jobs, meeting new people. You know, figuring out my life. It seemed like anything was possible then."

Bagley said his life four years ago was "miles better" than it is now.

"The first year or so I was here was the best," Bagley said. "I had this great group of friends I met through Keith [Aurilia], my roommate at the time. Our apartment had this amazing terrace, and that first summer, we'd all just hang out there every night, just drinking and shooting the shit until, like, 4 a.m."

"But then Keith moved to Portland, and this other guy Chris left for medical school at UCLA, and the whole scene just kinda broke up," Bagley continued. "Man, I miss those days."

Bagley's friends recall the summer of 1998 differently.

"Every other night, he was calling me and telling me how much he hated Seattle," said Katie Gorn, a friend of Bagley's from his years in Columbus, OH. "He was always complaining about not having a job, how he just watched a lot of TV and pissed away all the money he'd taken years to save up. For him now to say he misses that time in his life is a total joke."

Aurilia said Bagley spent much of that supposedly halcyon summer of 1998 waxing nostalgic for 1994.

"God, I remember how Eric would go on and on about how great things were back in Ohio. He was cleaning pools with his friend Mark [Tanner], and all they did, according to Eric, was drive around from job to job, listening to the Melvins and talking about girls. Then, they'd get off from work and drink at this biker bar down the road from 3 in the afternoon until closing."

Adding yet another layer to Bagley's revisionism, Tanner said he remembers 1994 differently.

"Back then, Eric was so depressed," Tanner said. "He felt trapped in Ohio, and he hated cleaning all those snobs' pools, so he got drunk every day to forget how much his life sucked. He was always talking about how great things were in college, back around '89, '90, when he had a band called The Trials and this hot redheaded girlfriend named Trish. Christ, if I'd had to listen to the Melvins or his Trials demo tape one more time, I would've strangled him. But he said it was the only thing that cheered him up, so I let it be."

According to childhood friend Glenn Lande, even as a boy, Bagley was nostalgic for four years earlier.

"In the fifth grade, Eric was always like, 'Didn't first grade rule?'" Lande said. "He'd go on and on about how easy it was and how we got two recesses instead of one. I'm sure in 2006, he'll be talking about how great his freelance-photography gig was and how much his new job and life sucks. It's kind of pathetic."

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More