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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

Guest Searches Hand Towel For Low-Traffic Area

INDIO, CA—Noting several distinct patches of damp, matted fibers, houseguest Tara Muirsky scoured her host’s lone bathroom towel for a low-traffic area with which to dry her hands, sources confirmed Monday.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Area Man Carefully Weighs One Side Of Argument

BOISE, ID—Personnel manager Victor Hartley confirmed Wednesday that he is taking very seriously a dispute between employees Tom Gladstone and Harriet Deneve, giving the matter a great deal of thought and carefully weighing one side of the argument. "As a supervisor, I need to give equal consideration to the person telling me what I want to hear before I side with him," said Hartley, who told reporters the key to conflict resolution is ensuring there is always an open channel of communication with one of the parties involved. "On the one hand, Tom presents a very compelling case, but on the same hand, Tom is the only person I'm willing to listen to." Hartley added that he will make certain to ignore Deneve's argument one more time before breaking the bad news to her.

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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

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