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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Area Man Coasting By On Good Looks, Work Ethic, In-Depth Knowledge Of Virginia Real Estate Law

GREENWAY, VA—Noting with evident resentment how he just breezes through life, local sources told reporters Monday that Howard Preston, 33, seemingly coasts by solely on his good looks, tireless work ethic, and extensive real estate law expertise. “Look at that prick; I guess when you have a chiseled physique, the stamina to put in back-to-back 90-hour work weeks, and a wide-ranging knowledge of Virginia zoning codes, everything just gets served to you on a silver platter,” said Daniel Husted, 38, adding that Preston acts like he deserves the advantages afforded by his 1,000-watt smile, respected local legal practice built from the ground up, rigorous three-year law school education, and gorgeous natural blond hair. “Guess what, buddy? Not everyone can skate by on an abiding commitment to self-discipline, a scholarly passion for justice, and a pair of shining baby-blue eyes. God, the luck and unrelenting dedication of some people!” Sources further noted that Preston’s wife, Jessica, probably only married him because he’s handsome, has a stable, well-paying job, is unfailingly kind, and selflessly devotes himself to building a long-term future for his family.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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