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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Area Man Coasting By On Good Looks, Work Ethic, In-Depth Knowledge Of Virginia Real Estate Law

GREENWAY, VA—Noting with evident resentment how he just breezes through life, local sources told reporters Monday that Howard Preston, 33, seemingly coasts by solely on his good looks, tireless work ethic, and extensive real estate law expertise. “Look at that prick; I guess when you have a chiseled physique, the stamina to put in back-to-back 90-hour work weeks, and a wide-ranging knowledge of Virginia zoning codes, everything just gets served to you on a silver platter,” said Daniel Husted, 38, adding that Preston acts like he deserves the advantages afforded by his 1,000-watt smile, respected local legal practice built from the ground up, rigorous three-year law school education, and gorgeous natural blond hair. “Guess what, buddy? Not everyone can skate by on an abiding commitment to self-discipline, a scholarly passion for justice, and a pair of shining baby-blue eyes. God, the luck and unrelenting dedication of some people!” Sources further noted that Preston’s wife, Jessica, probably only married him because he’s handsome, has a stable, well-paying job, is unfailingly kind, and selflessly devotes himself to building a long-term future for his family.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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