Area Man Confident He Could Design Way Cooler Medal Stand

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Vol 48 Issue 33

Breaking Bad

AMC 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT Walt ups the ante when he discovers he can make much more money through careful observation of financial trends and prudent investment in the stock market.

Torrent Time

G4 4:00 a.m. EDT/3:00 a.m. CDT This virtual showcase presents a selection of the web's most popular illegal downloads. This week: a Croatian dub of the The Dark Knight Rises and some pornography.
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Kids Love When Mom Sad Enough To Just Order Pizza

FORT WORTH, TX—Saying they get their hopes up anytime they notice her looking particularly downhearted, siblings Paulo and Marisa Hernandez told reporters Wednesday they love it when their mother is sad enough to just order pizza.

Area Man Confident He Could Design Way Cooler Medal Stand

OGDEN, UT—During the medal ceremony for the women's 100-meter hurdles, 34-year-old Richard Bowen announced that he could totally design a much cooler Olympic podium, living room sources confirmed Friday. "It's just a stupid purple stand with a little step on it for the winner," Bowen said of the current podium, which he described as "super lame," claiming he could "whip up a way better one in no time." "I'd make it curvy on the side parts for one thing, kind of like a big wavy 'W,' and the first-place guy would be up way higher so that he stands out more. And I'd put bigger golden rings on the front with some badass green flames going around them, too." As of press time, Bowen was sketching up a few original ideas that would "blow that dumb Olympic-ring logo right out of the water" by adding "a bunch more circles."

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