adBlockCheck

Area Man Confident He Could Design Way Cooler Medal Stand

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Area Man Confident He Could Design Way Cooler Medal Stand

OGDEN, UT—During the medal ceremony for the women's 100-meter hurdles, 34-year-old Richard Bowen announced that he could totally design a much cooler Olympic podium, living room sources confirmed Friday. "It's just a stupid purple stand with a little step on it for the winner," Bowen said of the current podium, which he described as "super lame," claiming he could "whip up a way better one in no time." "I'd make it curvy on the side parts for one thing, kind of like a big wavy 'W,' and the first-place guy would be up way higher so that he stands out more. And I'd put bigger golden rings on the front with some badass green flames going around them, too." As of press time, Bowen was sketching up a few original ideas that would "blow that dumb Olympic-ring logo right out of the water" by adding "a bunch more circles."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close