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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Demands More Starches

TERRE HAUTE, IN—Dissatisfied with his current levels of intake, Leonard Bierski, a 44-year-old Terre Haute-area plumber, publicly demanded a "serious increase" in his already prodigious consumption of starches. "Rice, potatoes, corn and wheat products," said the overweight Bierski, his mouth stuffed with Doritos and french fries. "I want a lot more." Bierski, who has eaten two salads in the past 14 years, said he will not rest until his diet is composed solely of carbohydrate-rich foods. "Spaghetti," he added. "Cocoa Pebbles."

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