Area Man Filled With Sudden Desire To Go Outside And Play Basketball

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Vol 47 Issue 12

The TuckScreen: Historical Documents Show Dream's Decline

People began to give up on the American Dream almost from the time it was created. Below, a letter from a riverboat porter written in 1901 shows some of the earliest written documentation of an American saying, "Fuck it, what's the point?" The ...

Message From The Mayor

A special message from Mayor Sue Hallinan: "Just wanted to let folks know that there's going to be a whole bunch of commotion down at Tuffy's this evening as several members of the national press will be in town. In case you haven't heard, our boy T...
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Area Man Filled With Sudden Desire To Go Outside And Play Basketball

BLOOMINGTON, IN—For the first time in "a good year or two now," local man Nelson Greenley, 33, was struck by the sudden impulse to go outside and play some basketball Saturday. "I don't know if it's the the tournament getting started or just the nicer weather, but I could definitely get out there and shoot the rock a little bit," said Greenley, adding that he checked the local community center's website to see what the open-gym hours were just in case he also wanted to play at night. "I bet you Jeff [Sanburn] and Craig [Kearns] would be down to play. We could probably scrounge up a fourth to get some two-on-two going." At press time, Greenley was driving to a Dick's Sporting Goods to purchase an air pump and had placed a call to his mother to see if she still had his old basketball shoes from college, although reports confirmed he'll wind up shooting 32 jump shots alone before getting bored and going inside.

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