Area Man Finally Sees Enough Images Of Bare Breasts For Entire Lifetime

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Vol 48 Issue 05

Meet The Press

NBC 10 a.m. EST/9 a.m. CST David Gregory finally remembers to bring in a framed photograph of his wife and kids to put on the table.

Congressman Hurt To Discover Lobbyist Not Really His Friend

WASHINGTON—According to Capitol Hill sources, Rep. Bobby Schilling (R-IL) came to the painful realization this week that agribusiness lobbyist Stephen Fischer, who had been kind and generous toward him for months and had often met up with him for dr...

Downton Abbey

PBS 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST The hit British show has to do damage control after last week's episode, in which all the characters referred to the fighting in France as "World War I."

Should Sugar Be Regulated?

In a recent editorial in the journal Nature, researchers from the University of California–San Francisco suggested that as a toxic substance, sugar should be taxed and regulated like alcohol or tobacco.
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Area Man Finally Sees Enough Images Of Bare Breasts For Entire Lifetime

98,344th Pair Leaves 32-Year-Old Man Entirely Sated

BOISE, ID—With what he described as "a deep sense of satisfaction," local man David Glean closed his laptop Tuesday after viewing his 98,344th pair of naked breasts, telling reporters he had seen enough bare bosoms in his 32 years to last him the rest of his life. "Well, I guess that's that," said Glean, letting out a contented sigh more than two decades in the making. "As soon as I locked eyes on that last set, something clicked in my head and I said to myself, 'Dave, if you don't see another pair of nude breasts again, you'll be fine.' I had never felt that way before." Glean estimated he could still watch another 1,446 ejaculated-upon female faces and at least three more Filipino dwarf fistings. 

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