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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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Area Man Foolishly Entrusted With Genetic Code

PALO ALTO, CA—Despite his laziness, unreliability, and below-average intelligence, 34-year-old local resident Dylan Fonseca has been given full access to the human genetic code, appalled biologists told reporters Monday. "The sensitive DNA and RNA sequences used by cells to replicate proteins could spell disaster for future generations if placed in the wrong hands," Stanford University genetics researcher Raymond Cohen said. "How could someone who owns nine velvet paintings ever be allowed to handle the priceless nucleic acids that are the building blocks of life itself?" Others in the scientific community were unconcerned, saying that the loner Fonseca will likely take the precious code with him to his grave.

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