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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Area Man Guesses He Doesn't Need MC Lyte Wikipedia Page Open Anymore

IOWA CITY, IA—After keeping the tab open for almost three hours, local man Nathan Marsten decided this afternoon he could probably shut down the MC Lyte Wikipedia page on his web browser. “I looked her up earlier because I got that ‘Cha Cha Cha’ song stuck in my head, but I feel like there’s really no need to keep it open at this point,” said Marsten, who learned from his scanning of the page that Lyte’s two older brothers are also hip-hop artists, and that they collaborated on some of her records. “If worse comes to worst, it’ll still be in my browser history. Or I could just Google her name again. It’ll literally take three seconds.” At press time, it remains unclear as to why Marsten has opted to keep the Wikipedia page on Tripoli open.

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