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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Guesses He'll Learn The Difference Between Shiites And Sunnis

PORTLAND, OR—Nearly four years into the war in Iraq, local sales representative Howard Morrison finally conceded that it was probably time to just pick up a newspaper and figure out what distinguishes Sunni Muslims from Shiite Muslims. "At first I really thought this whole thing would work itself out, and there was no need to figure out who was who," said Morrision, adding that it used to be enough to know the difference between Iraq and Iran. "But this is turning out to be pretty complicated and I should at least learn which side are the insurgents. I know one of them's Islamic." Morrison said he would have time for the new subject since giving up trying to learn the difference between trans fats and regular fats last week.

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