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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Has No Idea How He Got On Hamas E-Mail List

ATLANTA—Twenty-two-year-old bank teller Paul Branocek told reporters Wednesday he is clueless as to why the militant Palestinian organization Hamas began sending e-mails to his personal account urging him to raise the banner of jihad and eradicate the state of Israel. "Oh, come on, another one?" said Branocek, explaining that he receives at least one call-to-arms against the Zionist menace a week and cannot request to be removed from the list because the e-mails contain no unsubscribe link or reply-to address. "I can't believe the spam filter doesn't catch these by now." Admitting that he may have "checked the wrong box or something" while making an online purchase, Branocek said it was more likely Facebook had sold his profile information to the group.

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