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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Area Man Has No Idea How He Got On Hamas E-Mail List

ATLANTA—Twenty-two-year-old bank teller Paul Branocek told reporters Wednesday he is clueless as to why the militant Palestinian organization Hamas began sending e-mails to his personal account urging him to raise the banner of jihad and eradicate the state of Israel. "Oh, come on, another one?" said Branocek, explaining that he receives at least one call-to-arms against the Zionist menace a week and cannot request to be removed from the list because the e-mails contain no unsubscribe link or reply-to address. "I can't believe the spam filter doesn't catch these by now." Admitting that he may have "checked the wrong box or something" while making an online purchase, Branocek said it was more likely Facebook had sold his profile information to the group.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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