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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Has No Idea How To Get Copy Of Birth Certificate

AKRON, OH—Michael Stills, 25, told reporters Friday he had absolutely no idea how to obtain a copy of his birth certificate, a document that a potential employer has required him to provide before interviewing for a job. "I tried to get it online, but you can't," said Stills, who added that his mother refused to mail him her copy for fear it might get lost. "I called Akron General, but I didn't know which department to ask for, and I'm not actually sure that's the right hospital. Maybe the courthouse would have it?" As of press time, Stills said he had made no progress tracking down the document but had inadvertently applied for a commercial trucker's license while searching for information on the DMV website.

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