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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Has Sex With Man To Get Out Of Office Blood Drive

ABBEVILLE, GA—In an effort to devise a plausible reason to excuse himself from an office-wide blood donation drive this Friday, systems specialist Brett Karns, 32, reporterdly engaged in unprotected sex with another man last weekend.

"When the nurse asks me if I've participated in any high-risk sexual activity recently, I don't want to have to lie," said Karns, who describes himself as squeamish about needles. "Maybe she wouldn't question my story, but better safe than sorry, right?"

Karns told reporters he intends to have sex with another man next week to get out of his office's canned food drive.

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