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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Area Man Having Difficulty Getting People To Sign Up For His NIT Bracket Pool

WEXFORD, PA—Despite his assertions that this year was shaping up to be one of the most wide-open and exciting tournaments in recent memory, sources confirmed Monday that local man Nick Moreno continued to struggle in his efforts to sign anyone up for his NIT bracket pool. “Hey guys, just a reminder to get in your NIT brackets and 10 bucks by the end of the day today,” Moreno said to a group of stone-faced coworkers who had barely skimmed his latest email encouraging everyone to “get in on the action” by making their predictions for the field of 32. “I bet most of you will have Georgia State going all the way this year, but, I don’t know, I think St. Mary’s really has a shot at the title as a four-seed. But we can talk picks after everyone’s brackets are in. And if anyone needs me to send the password for the group again, just let me know.” At press time, Moreno had sent a last-minute email offering to lower the buy-in fee to five dollars.

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