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Area Man Honored To Have Name In Hat

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Area Man Honored To Have Name In Hat

ST. CLOUD, MN—Rotary Club banquet attendee Phil Tipton, 46, told reporters Monday that he was "humbled" to have his name included in the Minnesota Twins baseball cap used for the event's door-prize drawing. "Just having a slip of paper with my name on it alongside [club president] Bill Sharpling and [treasurer] Gil Orman is more than enough of a prize for me," said Tipton, who expressed a similar sentiment after bidding in the same silent auction as St. Cloud transportation commissioner Hal Lerner during a 2005 muscular dystrophy fundraiser. "In a way, I already feel like I've won that car-detailing gift certificate." Upon losing the drawing, Tipton reportedly called the entire organization "bullshit" and tore a large 4-H banner off of the wall before storming out of the VFW hall.

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