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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Just Ruined It For Everyone

MORGANTOWN, WV—Area resident Adam Poole just had to go and ruin it for everyone Wednesday after taking advantage of a long-standing privilege that, until he came along, everybody respected enough not to exploit. "We had it so good—everyone really appreciated the amount of leeway we were given, and now, because of this guy, we all have to suffer," said Andrew Schechter, who joined his peers in a long, icy glare at Poole moments after the honor had been revoked. "He says we’re overreacting, but he hasn’t been here long enough to understand what it was like before. If he thinks our silent treatment is tough, wait until we start talking about him like he isn’t even here." Though Poole said he was unaware he was taking advantage of anything, his peers informed him that he really just should have known better.

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