adBlockCheck

Area Man Knows All The Shortcut Keys

Top Headlines

Recent News

Details Of Dream House Getting Much Less Specific With Each New Place Found In Price Range

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:

Viewers Impressed By How Male Trump Looked During Debate

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Saying the Republican nominee exhibited just the qualities they were looking for in the country’s next leader, viewers throughout the nation reported Monday night that they were impressed by how male Donald Trump appeared throughout the first debate.

Poll: 89% Of Debate Viewers Tuning In Solely To See Whether Roof Collapses

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Explaining that the American people showed relatively little interest in learning more about the nominees’ economic, counterterrorism, or immigration policies, a new Quinnipiac University poll revealed that 89 percent of viewers were tuning into Monday night’s presidential debate solely to see whether the roof collapses on the two candidates.

New Study Finds Solving Every Single Personal Problem Reduces Anxiety

SEATTLE—Explaining that participants left the clinical trial feeling calmer and more positive, a study published Monday by psychologists at the University of Washington has determined that people can significantly reduce their anxiety by solving every single one of their personal problems.

Trump Planning To Throw Lie About Immigrant Crime Rate Out There Early In Debate To Gauge How Much He Can Get Away With

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Saying he would probably introduce the falsehood in his opening statement or perhaps during his response to the night’s first question, Republican nominee Donald Trump reported Monday he was planning to throw out a blatant lie about the level of crime committed by immigrants early in the first presidential debate to gauge how much he’d be allowed to get away with.

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Area Man Knows All The Shortcut Keys

NEW BRITAIN, CT—Catalog copywriter Roger Turlock knows all the keyboard combinations that execute a computer's common commands, the Comfort Uniforms employee said yet again Tuesday.

Area Man Knows All The Shortcut Keys

"You can just hit Command-P to print, you know," Turlock, 38, told a coworker who had just gone through the labor-intensive process of printing via the word-processing application's pull-down File menu. "Lot faster. Just Command at the same time as the letter P."

"Command-Q to quit a program," Turlock said to the air. "Command-X for cut. Command-C for copy. Command-V for paste. Those are biggies—Command-X, -C, and -V."

Turlock not only knows the shortcut keys for Microsoft Word, Microsoft Explorer, and Outlook Express, the three programs he uses most frequently on his iMac at work, but also for the OS9 system software and a number of other programs on his home computer.

"It's not that hard to learn," Turlock said. "A lot of the keys are pretty much the same. In Explorer, if you hit Command-N, you're going to get a new browser window. In Word or Excel, you're going to get a new document, in Outlook Express a new message. In OS, it'll be a new folder. See? Easy. Saves a lot of time. Command-N."

Turlock said he is "more than willing" to teach those who have been too timid to seek out the shortcut knowledge independently.

"Command-F for find," Turlock told human-resources secretary June Blise today after 1.5 seconds of scrolling had failed to produce his name on her screen. "Then just type 'Turlock' and hit return. Really, you could just type 'T-U-R' to find it even faster."

"What's 'Command'?" Blise asked.

"Sorry," Turlock said. "Same as Open Apple. Microsoft isn't going to want to say that dirty word, though, so on MS products it's called the Command key."

"What's 'Open Apple'?" Blise asked.

Despite years of hearing questions like Blise's, Turlock said he remains surprised by ignorance of basic key commands.

"I don't know," Turlock said. "They use the keyboard every day. You'd think they'd be curious about what F1 through F15 do. Those function keys aren't up there for someone else, after all."

Turlock insisted that his knowledge of all the shortcut keys, though an anomaly among his peers, is no special gift.

"It takes one second to learn a combo, then you have it," Turlock said. "People use these commands every day, and for some reason they never learn the shortcut. Amazing. It's so simple. Open Apple-S. Save. There you go. Done and done."

"Take Command-W," continued Turlock, in spite of a visible lack of interest among those present. "The same shortcut—that's Command and W—will close a window in Word, and in Explorer...in Adobe Acrobat, in Quark [XPress]. I'm pretty sure it closes a window in Quark. I'd have to check on that one. I'll check that out tonight at home."

Turlock said he is "shocked" by how many people do not know about Command-Z, the shortcut to "undo typing," or cancel the last action performed.

"Absolutely unbelievable," Turlock said. "Command-Z has saved my butt so many times."

While Turlock works on an Apple system, he said all of the "life-or-death combos" are available on every operating system.

"Roger is always saying, it's just this key and this key with this key held down," coworker Carlin Sampson said. "I think it's simpler to just go into the menu."

"But it's not simpler," Turlock said. "It's just one motion. It takes time to grab the mouse and pull down the menu. You can just hit the key without lifting your hands from the keyboard."

"Why wouldn't I want to lift my hands off the keyboard?" Sampson asked.

In spite of its usefulness, much of Turlock's advice will likely continue to go unheeded.

"You don't even have to go to the manual, guys," he said. "All the important ones are listed in the pull-down menu... Or hit the Help key to get a list... Or Command, question mark... Or you could look under the Help menu item on the right."

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close