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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Area Man Likes Food

FLUSHING, NY—In a surprise announcement, local cab driver Kevin Reilly, 33, confirmed Monday that he likes food. "I enjoy meats, dairy products, grains, fruits and all manner of desserts," he said. "I also like the taste and texture of many snack foods, including Doritos, Munchos and Funyuns." Reilly wavered on the issue of whether he likes afternoon snacks or late-night desserts more.

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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