adBlockCheck

Area Man Likes To Compare Circle Of Friends To Cast Of Lost

Top Headlines

Recent News

Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Area Man Likes To Compare Circle Of Friends To Cast Of Lost

Though Krewalski does not have any black friends, he would want them to be like Mr. Eko rather than Michael.
Though Krewalski does not have any black friends, he would want them to be like Mr. Eko rather than Michael.

EVERETT, WA—After re-watching the last six episodes of the show's first season Tuesday night, local resident Sam Krewalski, a 29-year-old data-entry clerk and avid Lost fan, mentioned yet again that the diverse cast of characters featured in the hit ABC drama "totally reminds [him]" of his circle of eight friends.

"Dave [Engler] is definitely Jack," said Krewalski, comparing the 31-year-old line cook whom he has known since college to the selfless doctor and leader of the survivors. "Always has a plan. Always making the tough decisions. Just last week, none of us could decide where we wanted to eat, when Dave all of a sudden steps in and says Outback Steakhouse, and boom, it was like the scene where they all follow Jack to the caves."

"And Dave also has this thing where he always has to 'fix things,'" Krewalski continued, referring to Jack's main character flaw. "Like that time he broke my cupboard door and, even though I told him it was fine, he insisted on screwing my cupboard door back on. I was like, 'Okay, Jack.' He seriously needs to learn to let go sometimes."

According to Krewalski, his friend Katie Peters is "the Kate of the group," not only because both she and the TV character share the same first name and are attractive, but also because Katie, like Kate, is adventurous.

<p><h3>Coincidence?</h3></p> <p>Just some of the eerie similarities</p>

"Last month, a bunch of us were going to the batting cages, and she was like, 'I'm coming, too,'" Krewalski said. "I had to laugh. Katie, always trying to be one of the guys."

"I guess my other friend Katie, Katie O'Malley, is also a little bit like Kate," he added. "But she's also like Sun, too. Yeah, she's Sun."

Krewalski claims that he himself is a mixture of John Locke and Desmond, pointing out that he "truly identifies with" both of their struggles, and that he can be designated as two separate characters because "no one else [he knows] is like them, so it's okay."

"Desmond had to push a button every 108 minutes for three years in order to save the world," Krewalski said, noting that he also has a beard like Desmond's. "At my job, I sit around, mindlessly entering numbers into a computer all day, too. All for the greater good. In fact, some mornings on my way to work, I jokingly say to myself, 'Off to go push the button.' Or sometimes, 'Off to go save the world.'"

In addition, Krewalski said he is "pretty much" like John Locke, despite never having had his kidney stolen by his con-man father, nor having been pushed from a 10-story building, becoming paralyzed from the waist down, and suddenly regaining the ability to walk in an unexplained miracle.

"I'm the provider," he said, likening his role among his friends to that of the island's hunter and tracker. "Last Super Bowl, I made quesadillas for everyone, and it was totally like Locke coming back with the boar, me marching in with all that food. My friends didn't think I could cook. It was definitely a 'Don't tell me what I can't do!' moment."

"Also, I have a really good sense of direction," Krewalski added. "And faith. I have faith like John Locke, too. John Locke is awesome."

Krewalski explained that some of the correlations between the show's characters and his friends were not immediately obvious, and certain acquaintances only revealed which characters they truly represented through interactions with already classified friends.

"I struggled to peg [Steve] Wang for the longest time, but when I saw how he acted around Katie, or Kate, it suddenly dawned on me: He's Sawyer," Krewalski said. "That made me realize how Wang is always coming up with these funny nicknames for everyone, like Sawyer does. I'm 'Sam-O' and he calls Tom [White] 'Whitey.'"

"Tom's like Hurley because he's fat," Krewalski added.

Other designations Krewalski has made in recent months include: Greg is Sayid, Froberg is Jin, Pete is Boone, Krewalski himself is also Sayid, Joe is Ben, and Joe's dog Rufus is Vincent. He also has a group of acquaintances that he has dubbed his "tail section of friends," or "Tailies," for short. Among them, Robert is Bernard, Anne is Claire and Rose and Ana-Lucia and Libby and Rousseau, and Gabe is Shannon, because according to Krewalski, even though they are different genders, "they're both annoying." Krewalski also claims his friend Chris is "exactly like" Charlie, as both have struggled with a heroin addiction.

Last week, in what Krewalski called "an interesting twist" to his circle of friends, Dave invited some of his coworkers from the restaurant to come along for drinks with everyone. Krewalski has begun to refer to this group of people as "the Others."

"There was definitely a lot of mystery surrounding them at first, because we all went out to their favorite bar, and we were on their turf," Krewalski said. "But something tells me they could turn out to be good guys."

"Then again, they might just be assholes," Krewalski added.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close