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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Area Man Lives To Correct Pronunciation

LAWRENCE, KS—According to irritated friends and acquaintances, Jim Marder, 43, lives to correct pronunciation. "Actually, the word is 'Ant-arc-tic," Marder told coworker Amy Dennon during a conversation about polar-ice-cap melting Monday. "Don't feel bad: Pronouncing it 'Antartic' is a fairly common mistake." Said Dennon: "He's always doing that: 'Actually, the word is 'affida-vit.' 'Actually, the word is 'pre-rogative.' 'Actually, the word is 'sher-bet.' Every time, he plays it all casual, but you can tell he's loving it. Dick."

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