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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Area Man Needs Two More Trips To Best Buy To Beat Xbox 360 Game

MONROEVILLE, PA—Local resident Ronald Franks could be as little as two Best Buy visits away from completing the Xbox 360 video game Gears of War, Franks said Tuesday. "I told [wife] Susan not to expect me for dinner tonight, because right now I'm at the Train Wreck and I'm about to take on a Berserker," said Franks, 35, who has been playing the game daily for nearly three weeks and brings his own memory card from home. "I'm thinking I can get through that pretty quickly because I'll use my sniper rifle. Then it's right to Troika Central to get to the main boss, General RAAM. I'll probably take a personal day to defeat RAAM." According to Susan Franks, he also spends several hours each weekend at a nearby Barnes & Noble copying the Gears of War Official Strategy Guide onto a legal pad he brings along with him.

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