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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Area Man Never Leaves House Without Putting On Lucky Everything

BOISE, ID—Area resident Tom Watson, 32, told coworkers yesterday that he never leaves his house without putting on his lucky hat, jacket, scarf, shirt, pants, underwear, shoes, sock, and other sock. "Yes, people might call me superstitious, but I know when I see the sun every morning that I have these to thank," said Watson, pointing to his lucky belt and galoshes. "And no one can deny the fact that I was in this outfit when my brother-in-law bought that winning $10 scratch ticket." Watson added that he has paid especially close attention to his fortunes since being diagnosed in 1993 with a "one-in-a-million" form of eye cancer.

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