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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Area Man Never Leaves House Without Putting On Lucky Everything

BOISE, ID—Area resident Tom Watson, 32, told coworkers yesterday that he never leaves his house without putting on his lucky hat, jacket, scarf, shirt, pants, underwear, shoes, sock, and other sock. "Yes, people might call me superstitious, but I know when I see the sun every morning that I have these to thank," said Watson, pointing to his lucky belt and galoshes. "And no one can deny the fact that I was in this outfit when my brother-in-law bought that winning $10 scratch ticket." Watson added that he has paid especially close attention to his fortunes since being diagnosed in 1993 with a "one-in-a-million" form of eye cancer.

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