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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man No Longer Playing Up Resemblance To Kevin Spacey

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Put off by such films as The Life Of David Gale, The Shipping News, and K-PAX, local insurance salesman Brian Vandervelt, 37, is no longer playing up his resemblance to Academy Award-winning actor Kevin Spacey. "From the time of Glengarry Glen Ross up through American Beauty, I was loving all the Spacey comparisons," Vandervelt told reporters Tuesday. "But after four years of smug, self-righteous crap like Pay It Forward, it's a different story." Until Spacey stops playing repellently soulful saviors of humanity, Vandervelt said he will play up his resemblance to a young Bob Newhart.

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