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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Area Man Now Checks Inside Boat In Driveway Every Morning

WAUKEGAN, IL—After learning Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokar Tsarnaev had been hiding inside a boat parked in a Massachusetts man’s backyard, 46-year-old Ethan Bryer told reporters Wednesday that he now makes sure to check the interior of his 30-foot bowrider every morning. “After what happened in Watertown, I’m not taking any chances,” said Bryer, explaining that before leaving for work, he always carefully lifts the tarp of his boat with a baseball bat in hand. “These days, you never know who could be hiding in there. I check my boat before going to bed at night, too.” At press time, Bryer was slowly approaching his boat.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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