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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Area Man Overly Proud Of Never Wearing Underwear

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Local record-store clerk Greg Oertel, 23, seems inordinately proud that he never wears underwear, Oertel's coworkers told reporters Tuesday. "I've heard Greg mention about 10 times that he never wears underwear," coworker Jake Hannah said. "He acts like he doesn't care what we think about it, but I'm beginning to suspect he does." According to his friends, Oertel insists that he gets hot when he wears underwear, so he "just doesn't bother," and that "it's no big deal." 

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