Area Man Perfectly Content With Role As Another Cog In The Wheel

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Vol 49 Issue 33

Government Finally Admits Existence Of Area 51

In declassified CIA documents, the government officially acknowledged for the first time ever the existence of Area 51, saying that the top-secret location in the Nevada desert was created as a testing site for the U-2 spy plane in the 1950s.

Dog Unaware It Isn't Starving

Scientists finally pronounce the human genome, a new report finds that the Washington Redskins’ name is only offensive if you think about what it means, and a bigoted asshole makes the best barbecue.
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Area Man Perfectly Content With Role As Another Cog In The Wheel

HARTFORD, CT—Saying that he enjoyed the ease and straightforwardness of his daily routine, local office worker Joel Shoppach, 41, expressed his contentment Tuesday at being just another cog in the wheel. “It’s nice—I just have one simple function that I do over and over again each day, and that’s it,” said Shoppach, who explained that he was “perfectly happy” being one of thousands of nearly identical components that cycle endlessly through their own basic individual tasks to facilitate the workings of a large, overarching apparatus. “Really all I’ve had to do for the past 15 years is come in at nine, perform an incredibly minor role in a rote, mechanical process, and then leave for the day, so I can’t complain. I’m actually pretty good at being a miniscule part of a large machine.” Shoppach added that he is equally content to return home after work and play an extremely minor role in the functioning of his family as well.

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