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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Plays 'Imagine' Every Time He Sees A Piano

SALEM, OR— Friends of Bill Moreland expressed irritation Monday over the 29-year-old's habit of playing John Lennon's "Imagine" whenever a piano is in sight. "It's like this desperate grab for attention he tries to pass off as totally casual," friend Alan Carter said. "He'll sit down at the piano with this really deep look on his face, then launch into those really simple first few bars, expecting everyone to be amazed and moved." Friends say the habit has persisted since Moreland was in the fifth grade, when he switched to "Imagine" from the Jaws theme.

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