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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Area Man Pretty Sure He Knows Which Athletes Are Gay

TOLEDO, OH—Area man Arnold Pera, 26, bragged to several of his friends Sunday that "nine times out of 10" he can tell whether an athlete is gay or not. "Sometimes it's the way they talk or interact with their teammates, but a lot of times I can tell just by watching them play," said Pera, directing his friends' attention to a TV screen at the bar in order to point out a pitcher's windup that he described as "a telltale sign of a total homo." "No athletes really ever come out and say they're gay, but they might as well, because it's totally obvious. I could easily tell you 20 or 30 gay basketball players right off the top of my head." While Pera claims to have mastered the ability of deciphering athletes' sexual orientations simply by watching them, the married father of two has reportedly not yet picked up on the one overwhelming piece of evidence that he, himself, is homosexual.

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