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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Pretty Sure It's Not Broken

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Despite coming down on it pretty hard, area man Doug Grissett maintained his position Thursday that it is not broken. "I didn't hear a pop," said Grissett, claiming that it only hurts a little when you push it right here. Grissett also confirmed that he can move it like this, and like this, but when he tries to move it like this, ah fuck. He added, "This happened once last August, the same thing. It's probably nothing." At press time, it has swelled up to the size of a cantaloupe.

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