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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Puts On Some Nice Pants For Once In His Life

OAKLAND, CA—Hallelujah, what do you know—reports have surfaced that Michael Bohlke put on a nice pair of pants for once in his 28 years on this earth Monday. Bohlke, who had up to that very moment looked like a lazy bum just sitting there on the couch, stunned longtime critics by putting on a clean shirt, running a comb through his hair for God's sake, and finally getting rid of that ratty Oakland Raiders cap that he's had since, what, the seventh grade? At press time, however, it would apparently still kill Bohlke to shave every once in a while.

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