Area Man Puts On Some Nice Pants For Once In His Life

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Vol 44 Issue 25

Muslim Woman Demands Obama Apology

A Detroit Muslim said that she was refused a seat behind Barack Obama's podium at a campaign rally because she was wearing the traditional head scarf. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Area Man Puts On Some Nice Pants For Once In His Life

OAKLAND, CA—Hallelujah, what do you know—reports have surfaced that Michael Bohlke put on a nice pair of pants for once in his 28 years on this earth Monday. Bohlke, who had up to that very moment looked like a lazy bum just sitting there on the couch, stunned longtime critics by putting on a clean shirt, running a comb through his hair for God's sake, and finally getting rid of that ratty Oakland Raiders cap that he's had since, what, the seventh grade? At press time, however, it would apparently still kill Bohlke to shave every once in a while.
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