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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Area Man Realizes He's Not The Cool Uncle

BABBITT, MN—After watching his brother-in-law wow his nieces and nephews during a family reunion with his ability to dunk a basketball and his willingness to let them ride around in the back of his pickup truck, Glenn Daniels, 32, realized Sunday that he is not the family's cool uncle.

"I thought the kids liked my disconnected thumb trick, but after watching them with their Uncle David [Fineman], I realized they were just humoring me all along," said Daniels, whose Incredible Hulk necktie was no match for Fineman's remote-control toy helicopter. "Maybe it's time for me to settle down and become the uncle who's respected 20 years later for being low-key and dependable."

Daniels said he can take solace in the fact that he is not the creepy uncle, a role family members agree is definitively filled by Daniels' quiet brother Joseph.

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