adBlockCheck

Area Man Realizes He's Not The Cool Uncle

Top Headlines

Recent News

Budget Travel Tips

With the bloated cost of airfare and hotels, many people are looking to save on travel however they can. Here are The Onion’s tips for planning a memorable vacation without overspending.

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Area Man Realizes He's Not The Cool Uncle

BABBITT, MN—After watching his brother-in-law wow his nieces and nephews during a family reunion with his ability to dunk a basketball and his willingness to let them ride around in the back of his pickup truck, Glenn Daniels, 32, realized Sunday that he is not the family's cool uncle.

"I thought the kids liked my disconnected thumb trick, but after watching them with their Uncle David [Fineman], I realized they were just humoring me all along," said Daniels, whose Incredible Hulk necktie was no match for Fineman's remote-control toy helicopter. "Maybe it's time for me to settle down and become the uncle who's respected 20 years later for being low-key and dependable."

Daniels said he can take solace in the fact that he is not the creepy uncle, a role family members agree is definitively filled by Daniels' quiet brother Joseph.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close