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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Area Man Realizes He's Not The Cool Uncle

BABBITT, MN—After watching his brother-in-law wow his nieces and nephews during a family reunion with his ability to dunk a basketball and his willingness to let them ride around in the back of his pickup truck, Glenn Daniels, 32, realized Sunday that he is not the family's cool uncle.

"I thought the kids liked my disconnected thumb trick, but after watching them with their Uncle David [Fineman], I realized they were just humoring me all along," said Daniels, whose Incredible Hulk necktie was no match for Fineman's remote-control toy helicopter. "Maybe it's time for me to settle down and become the uncle who's respected 20 years later for being low-key and dependable."

Daniels said he can take solace in the fact that he is not the creepy uncle, a role family members agree is definitively filled by Daniels' quiet brother Joseph.

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