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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Shocked To Learn There Is A Butt-Oriented Magazine He Was Not Aware Of

BENTON, AR—According to sources, buttocks-themed periodical aficionado Lyle Breslin was surprised and dismayed when he discovered Friday the existence of a magazine about butts he had not previously encountered. "I'm shocked this one got past me," Breslin said as he thumbed through the full-color photographs of women's nude posteriors featured in an issue of Heavenly Can. "As someone who has every issue of Big Butt, Round Butt, Ass Passion, and Rump Fancy, and is a charter subscriber of the more literary Two Scoops Quarterly, there's no way they should have gotten to issue number six without me knowing, especially given the fact that they managed to steal away prominent editor Hersch Steinberg from Nice Pooper." After perusing the magazine for 15 minutes, Breslin dismissed the magazine as a third-tier knockoff of Booty Clap.

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