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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Area Man Thinks It's Nice They Didn't Put The Prettiest Girl Scouts On The Cookie Box

STAMFORD, CT—Local CPA Adam Hober told reporters Wednesday he was pleased to see the Girl Scouts of America had chosen not to feature the most conventionally attractive girls on boxes of their trademark cookies. "They could have put the prettiest girls on there and maybe sold some more cookies, but they didn't, and I really appreciate that," Hober said while munching on a "Samoa"-style baked treat. "It's just nice to see what an inclusive organization they are, and it's really great they gave those Plain Janes a chance to shine." Mr. Hober later added that the wheelchair-bound Hispanic Girl Scout on the side of the box was perhaps a bit much.

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