Area Man Thought He Had More Forks Than This

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Vol 45 Issue 08

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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Area Man Thought He Had More Forks Than This

CHARLOTTE, NC—Rummaging through his silverware tray Thursday morning, database administrator Ben Pagano, 30, was shocked to discover that he owned far fewer forks than previously assumed. "What the hell? I thought I had a bunch of them," Pagano said after double-checking the tray's knife compartment and his bedroom nightstand for any wayward forks. "Didn't I have, like, six when I moved in here? I wonder if Bill took some when he moved out." At press time, 11 of Pagano's forks and his missing wristwatch were still in the apartment's broken dishwasher, which none of the roommates had opened since April.

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