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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Thought He Had More Forks Than This

CHARLOTTE, NC—Rummaging through his silverware tray Thursday morning, database administrator Ben Pagano, 30, was shocked to discover that he owned far fewer forks than previously assumed. "What the hell? I thought I had a bunch of them," Pagano said after double-checking the tray's knife compartment and his bedroom nightstand for any wayward forks. "Didn't I have, like, six when I moved in here? I wonder if Bill took some when he moved out." At press time, 11 of Pagano's forks and his missing wristwatch were still in the apartment's broken dishwasher, which none of the roommates had opened since April.

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