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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man To Start Curling His 2s

BURLINGTON, VT—After nearly 30 years of forming his 2s in a  "sober, ordinary" fashion, local resident Howard Shorn announced his intention Monday to begin placing a small curl at the bottom of the popular number.

"This was a big decision for me, and I hope that people, mainly those I send checks to, will support it," said Shorn, whose last shift in numeral-writing  technique came nearly five years ago when he began making his 8s with a single interconnecting curvy line rather than two separate circles.

"I think I've paid my dues and have earned the right to let my 2s bottom out with a flourish." Shorn added that if everything transitions smoothly, by late February 2010 he intends to completely overhaul the "H" in his signature.

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