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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man To Try Showering At Night

POTOMAC, MD—In what is being called a paradigm shift in shower-taking ideology, Matt Kirsch, 27, announced Tuesday his intention to go against a lifetime of bathing tradition by showering at night instead of in the morning. "For as long as I can remember, I have only showered between the hours of 6 and 11 a.m., but as of late I have been filled with questions as to what it would be like to shower right before bed," a robed Kirsch told reporters standing outside his bathroom. "Will the 30 extra minutes of sleep in the morning give me more energy? Will the night shower relax me before bed or have the complete opposite effect? How will going to bed with a wet head affect how my hair looks in the morning? These are just some of the questions I hope to answer." At the conclusion of the press conference, Kirsch bid the reporters good night and urged them to wish him luck.

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