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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Area Man Tries To Throw Split-Fingered Fastball, Breaks Arm In 9 Places

COLUMBUS, OH—Local resident Thomas Pickford, 43, suffered breaks in his right pisiform, scaphoid, and lunate carpals; two separate fractures of the coronoid process; and four radial breaks, including one spiral fracture, as he attempted to demonstrate to his son how to throw a split-fingered fastball in their backyard on Thursday. "So you just jam the ball in between your second and third fingers here real tight, don't forget to spin your arm as fast as it'll go, and then you rear back and— No. Oh, God," Pickford said, before grabbing his arm and collapsing to the ground. "Get your mom, get your mom, get your mom." Late next year, Pickford will dislocate both of his knees while trying to show his youngest daughter how to take a jump shot.

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