Area Man Unsure If He’s Supposed To Want Hugo Chavez To Die Or Not

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Vol 49 Issue 10

Iowa Fashion Week Begins

DES MOINES, IA—The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from...

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.

God Worried He Fucked Up His Children

THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind, Our Lord God and Almighty Father expressed concern Thursday that He might have fucked up His chil...

Justin Bieber Hospitalized After Fainting At Concert

Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was seen struggling during a performance of “Beauty and a Beat” at a show in London last night before walking off stage and fainting out of view of the audience, and was later taken to a hospital.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Area Man Unsure If He’s Supposed To Want Hugo Chavez To Die Or Not

ROCKVILLE, MD—After noticing several news stories about the failing health of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, local man Spencer Gutowski, 45, struggled Monday to figure out if the death of Chavez was something he was supposed to be pleased about or not. “He’s bad, right? I mean, I’m pretty sure he’s one of the bad ones, but maybe he’s good?” Gutowski told reporters, adding that he believes Chavez is a Communist, which, according to Gutowski, means he should probably want Chavez dead, although he is not entirely certain. “Fidel Castro is bad and I want him to die, and I think Chavez is sort of like him, maybe. I also think I’m not supposed to like Venezuela. But then again [President] Bush didn’t like Venezuela, and I didn’t like Bush, so...” Sources later confirmed that Gutowksi asked if something at some point happened between the Venezuelan leader and actor Sean Penn in which Penn either ended up liking or not liking Chavez.

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