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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Uses 'Big Buck Hunter' Score To Determine Ability To Drive Home

FAIRFIELD, IN—After spending five hours at Dunn's Irish Pub on Wednesday night, Michael Sampson, 31, was overheard citing his Big Buck Hunter score as proof of his sobriety, and thus his ability to safely operate a motor vehicle. "I shot the hell out of every one of those deer in the background, I didn't kill any does, plus I got bonus points at the end for gettin' those duck bastards," Sampson told bar patrons, staggering as he put down the game's gun-shaped neon-orange controller. "All right, let's go." Sampson then finished his beer, paid his tab, and severely injured all three passengers when he swerved off the road and slammed into a 10-point buck at 65 mph.

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