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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Area Man Uses WTC Attack As Excuse To Call Ex-Girlfriend

DAYTON, OH—Despite being deeply shaken by the tragedy, Dayton resident Dan Marchand used the World Trade Center attack as an excuse to phone ex-girlfriend Stacy Frankel last Saturday. "I know we haven't talked in a long time, but I just wanted to call to make sure you were okay," Marchand told Frankel, who lives in nearby Xenia. "You know, just with all the crazy stuff that's been going on around the country and all." Frankel told Marchand it was "good to hear [his] voice again" but was unresponsive to his suggestion that they get together for coffee.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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