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Area Man Way Too Into Local County History

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Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home

SAN DIEGO—Having already pointed out when everyone back home was getting off work and when the local nightly news was starting, area mother Pam Westin spent much of the first day of her family’s week-long California vacation marveling at the time difference compared to where they lived, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work

SMYRNA, DE—Saying he needed to be transported to a tranquil, untroubled state of calmness pronto, local man Pete McCartin, 29, told reporters Thursday that a fresh-brewed mug of purportedly relaxation-promoting tea had better fucking work.

Parents Into New Snack Now

BALLSTON, NY—Noticing they had both a Lightly Salted and a Tomato Basil version of the previously unknown product in their cupboard upon arriving for a visit home this past weekend, Jared Randall, 26, confirmed Wednesday that his parents are into a new snack now.

Mom Declares Garage Her Next Big Project

DES MOINES, IA—Announcing to family members it was getting “just about impossible” to find anything out there, local mother Pam Westin, 53, declared Friday that the garage is her next big project, sources confirmed.

Emergency Crew Rushes To Pull Child Out Of Football Huddle

CHESAPEAKE, VA—Saying they immediately feared the worst when they saw the child in such a treacherous, life-threatening situation, onlookers confirmed that an emergency crew rushed onto a local sports field Wednesday afternoon and moved quickly to pull a young boy out of a football huddle.

Office Manager Unveils New Rule

WARREN, MI—Stipulating that the regulation would take effect immediately, Summit Industries office manager Angela Werner reportedly unveiled a new rule Tuesday in a company-wide email.

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.
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Area Man Way Too Into Local County History

LEWANAHO COUNTY, WI—Gary Pavlik, an assistant librarian at the public library in Vida, the seat of Lewanaho County, is way too into local county history, sources reported Monday.

Gary Pavlik stands next to the Peck Cabin, one of Lewanaho County's many notable historical sites.

"Up until about 1890, Lewanaho County was famed across north-central Wisconsin for its sugar-beet production," said Pavlik, 37, the county's unofficial historian. "But two factors put an end to its predominance: a blight which wiped out much of the beet crop in 1891 and 1893, and a growing interest in cranberry farming, which was ideal for Lewanaho County's vast tracts of marshy land. Incidentally, I should mention that the blight was bacterial in origin, and not a fungus, as some of the old-timers in our community would have you believe."

Vida resident Eleanor Sloane, 66, who has known Pavlik since he was a boy, said he has always had a passion for Lewanaho County history.

"At first, I thought Gary's hobby was a positive thing, since girls didn't seem much interested in him and he needed something to occupy his time," Sloane said. "And it still is positive, in many respects. But numbering and cataloguing each plank of wood in the Swilley's Creek covered bridge off Highway PD, and then determining which sawmill each plank came from? That's just sad."

Said Pavlik: "An interesting thing to note about the covered bridge at Swilley's Creek is that it was built by a construction company that was once owned by the third cousin once-removed of the great-grandfather of—you guessed it—Eleanor Sloane. I should also mention that at the time the bridge was built, 1892, the cousin, Ekvind Solberg, had sold his company to Alfred F. Griebel, who would later become county supervisor. Upon its sale, Ekvind joined his brother Anders to manage his grain elevator in nearby Plovis, which did a modestly successful business before eventually shutting down in the early 1960s."

Pavlik's latest project is studying the life and work of Leopold Berlot, Lewanaho County's first Belgian and the inventor of an early prototype of the modern bicycle, a five-wheeled, hand-pedaled contraption called the "pentacopede."

"Sadly, Berlot's invention failed to catch on among the general public, and he soon returned to farming," said Pavlik, who has tracked down and interviewed more than two dozen descendants of Berlot. "Holder of some 30-odd patents, good old Leopold was one of the more colorful characters in Lewanaho County history, that's for certain."

Pavlik is also an avid preservationist, having saved over 75 volumes of court dockets, some dating back as far as the 1870s, from the Lewanaho County Courthouse upon discovering that they were earmarked for incineration. He subsequently donated the dockets to the Lewanaho County Historical Society.

"We were touched by Gary's generosity, but, unfortunately, we really didn't have a place for them," said Catherine Ernst, director of the Lewanaho County Historical Society. "We've been hard-pressed for space lately, and Gary's donation of 77 thick, oversized leather-bound ledgers only complicated matters."

Pavlik said citizens of Lewanaho County "can rest well" knowing that he is hard at work preserving their rich heritage.

"It's astonishing how many notable things have taken place right here in our own county over the years," Pavlik said. "The best part is, there's always something new to learn."

"Gary knows everything about us," Vida resident Dick Switzer said. "Where and when we were born, what we did for a living, who we married, how many children we had. It's really pretty creepy."

Pavlik's latest book, the 968-page A Short History Of Lewanaho County, Wisconsin, published by Pavlik Press, is available at the Lewanaho County Historical Society and nowhere else.

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