Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Area Man Will Be Judge Of Whether Woman Actually True Baseball Fan

CHICAGO—Saying that he alone could determine the legitimacy the woman’s claim, area man Luke Haggerty will be the judge of whether coworker Delia Carroll is actually a true baseball fan, sources confirmed Wednesday. “She says she’s a huge baseball fan, but we’ll just see about that,” said Haggerty, peppering the woman with seemingly innocuous questions about the current National League standings and her thoughts on recent trades in order to covertly ascertain the true scope of her expertise. “Hey, where’s your favorite place to sit in Wrigley? Know who’s pitching tonight? Who are some of your favorite players from the ’90s?” At press time, Haggerty grudgingly deemed the woman a true baseball fan, but emphasized she’d never be the fan he was.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.