MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Area Man Wonders What Gisele Bundchen And Tom Brady Talk About

WATERBURY, CT—While skimming an article about Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, local roofer Ernest Wilkinson, 46, told reporters Thursday that he could not even begin to comprehend what the American-born football player and his wife, Brazilian-born lingerie model Gisele Bundchen, talk about with each other. "What do they say? 'Hi, honey, you look great.' 'Yeah, so do you, honey.' I mean, how many times can you have that conversation?" asked Wilkinson, who listed several things the two didn't have in common, including jobs, culture, background, and "taste in movies, probably." "I bet after they have sex they talk about how good it was, and that's all. How long could a conversation like that really last?" Upon further consideration, Wilkinson acknowledged that maybe wealthy, famous, attractive couples like Bundchen and Brady really don't need to talk about anything.

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