adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

Area Man Would Put That Meeting In His Top 5 All Time

RICHMOND, VA—Trent Wilson, an executive brand strategist for the R&W Agency, characterized his company's staff-wide meeting Monday as "easily in [his] top five all time." "The agenda was followed to a T, all personal anecdotes were discussed before the meeting's 8:30 [a.m.] start, and [Ed] Kofsky was in a good mood," said the 32-year-old Wilson, adding that if there had been enough low-fat cream cheese, the meeting would have easily made it into his top three. "To see colleagues from so many departments being brought up to speed on so many different corporate initiatives and exciting new accounts-—it was really something special." According to Wilson, the highlight of the meeting was the agency president's unusually concise 20-minute opening remarks, some of which she did not read directly from her PowerPoint slides.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close